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May 19, 2003
May 20, 2003
May 21, 2003 A good question is, why didn't I have a vet pre-purchase exam before I bought any of the horses? Buying from "friends" is a sticky situation. If you or anyone you know are ever in this position, GET A PREPURCHASE VET CHECK!!! Doc's condition sort of explains why he had been sold so many times in his short life…and perhaps why two of those owners were the person I bought him from. I would never return Doc to Cowboy just to have Doc sold off again to another who didn't have a pre-purchase vet check. Sooner or later, Doc would end up dogfood...at least here, he will be loved for all his days, and then a humane end will be offered... I hope that isn't for years and years. We are beginning to consider euthanization. If he can't be pain free, why force this youngster to keep living? It seems so selfish. Wish the surgical vet would call.
Thurs, May 22. 2003
May 23, 2003 morning It was about 1:30am when we got Doc to the vet, but in unchaining his rope in the trailer (the one that goes behind his bottom), Doc kicked CK's hand and hit true... After checking Doc in for what could have been pain-induced-stress-related colic (which can kill horses in a very painful frightening way), I took CK to the emergency room. Right now, Doc is boarding at the vet's. I feel that what he went through last night is just proof that he is in enough pain that it needs to stop...but all I have been waiting for is to hear from the specialist to confirm what HE recommends...I want to hear what he feels should be done. The on-call vet said she would make sure that the specialist vet was notified with our need to hear his verdict. I feel that today is the day that Doc will be going to Rainbow Bridge. CK's hand, miraculously isn't broken...I got home at 5am and slept for a couple of hours. Now we have to go and take care of other horse stuff....and get back to the vet clinic to get the trailer and find out what the verdict is on Doc... Even last night in the middle of the night when we were out in the pasture and I was saying my final good-byes, just in case, Doc followed me...I was so mad I wanted to yell at him to STOP MAKING ME LOVE HIM MORE...CK pointed out maybe it was a "Wait...I need help...please free me from the pain..." That his attachment to humans is because he is pleading for them to help him... I think she is right... I love him so much...it has to stop...no more suffering. Please pray for us today. 
May 24, 2003 later in the day Then, while I went out to see Doc in his "penthouse suite" she called the specialist to confirm that she had answered the questions correctly, I guess. According to her, the specialist, who I will meet tomorrow, is, apparently, convinced that Doc will be sound and pretty much able to do normal things once this surgery is done and the recovery time of 6-8 months has elapsed. The trick will be managing the pain during that time. Some things that I didn't understand that made me toss out the notion of this surgery previously were incorrect. Corrected, it was enough to make me, at hubby's encouragement, want to give this a shot. The hock of the horse is not one joint, as I had thought. It is actually four. I thought fusion of the hock would mean the hock would be immobile (a club leg of sorts!)...that didn't sound good. It made it sound like he would have issues with compensatory secondary problems...like to his hip or something and have difficulty getting around. Even without pain, this didn't sound good! It, apparently, is unlikely that this would be an issue for him. The one joint in the hock that allows the horse to bend his back leg will NOT be fused. It will continue to have motion. It is two of the joints below that that have basically a shock absorption capacity (I think) that will be fused once all healing has taken place. Right now and for probably most of Doc's life, those joints have been wearing away...the cartilage is virtually gone. This, I guess, is what causes the pain--bone on bone. Add to that the stress of having herd mates biting you in the bottom or kicking you and it is no wonder that he is in a sweat all the time. Some fusion has taken place in his legs but it has been clearly too slow. That is why his hind quarters are emaciated (atrophied). According to the vet I met with, the surgical vet said that the prognosis is actually very good. Many horses, I have been told, do strenuous work and competitions following this procedure and do well without injury or strain on the fused joints. Hard to believe that! I have no plans for anything that rigorous...but just to trail ride around our home and maybe play a bit at some cow stuff...NOT big competitions...just fun fluffy stuff. Play, not competition--and only if he likes cows. If he was worked as hard as he might have been with cows, he may not want to have a thing to do with them. He is a partner with me and so I will ask him what he thinks when it is time. What I desire to do with him, I was told, is perfectly reasonable! Doc will, supposedly (can you tell I am still skeptical somewhat?), be pain free and totally able to climb and descend hills, frolic and play. Since so much of his life has been spent in pain, I thought that a gift better than putting him out of his misery might be the gift of play, the gift of life free from pain. He is a youngster. Today, the vet and I played with him a bit with the hose and after his initial startled reaction, he actually seemed to begin to enjoy it! He stuck his face into it a bit! Of course, if things go wrong, we will make the needed decision at that time to send him on ahead to Rainbow Bridge. I have no interest in making myself feel better at the expense of the horse. There will be, no matter what, a point in time when for each of my animals I will have to make that decision. This is still hard for me to fathom. My husband isn't like this...for him to want to do this, for it to be his idea...well, that is an act of God's intervention... Doc is precious. But even if I spend a bunch on this surgery, if something does go wrong... he will not be forced to live. No way. Today I really felt like if I could explain everything to Doc and he could tell me what he wanted, this is what he would want...to run and play with his friends pain free. It is like he has never had a chance to be a colt! I feel that God's peace has enveloped me through this (thank you all for your prayers...please keep them coming!) and will steadfastly cling to Him...no matter what, Doc is God's precious creation that He cares for...and whether it be here on earth or Elsewhere...I believe Doc will be cared for by his Maker.
Sunday May 25, 2003 Doc's bute has been doubled. I am concerned about that, but also I understand. He has stopped sweating (a good thing given it has been much cooler here suddenly) and I am sure that is partly due to the pain reduced and also not having to worry about herd mates biting and kicking him. Thank you so much for all the prayers and the well wishes. I have been blessed and encouraged and blown out of my socks by all the care and support you all have shown. There are quite a number of you who have asked to be kept updated. I know we have a tough road ahead. Even now, I continue to be in an emotional turmoil over this. Assuming all goes well after the surgery, as a new horse owner, even then I have a lot to do in caring for Doc. I am totally committed to doing so, of course. I know prayer is truly going to get us through this. Thanks so much.
May 26, 2003
Prayer requests would include: Today I had the flu and could manage only one visit to see him. He nickered when he saw my son and I. It is so wonderful to be greeted that way, even if it is more due to the snacks we bring than anything else! In case I haven't made it clear, Doc has degeneration of both hocks (back legs, it is the joint that looks a lot like our elbow, but is actually more the horses ankle, even though it is up about halfway on the leg!). The surgery is designed to actually go in and REMOVE the rest of the cartilage because once that is done, Doc's body (in an ideal world) will respond by fusing the three joints together. This will cause no more pain in that area in his legs. The single joint that is responsible for most of the movement in his hocks will remain unaffected. He has no problems there. Recovery will be 6-8 months! Thanks again for caring and for praying!
 
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